Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and for many, that means embracing the romantic side of life. It means sending bouquets of roses, gifting giant teddy bears, writing lovey-dovey cards, and cooking indulgent dinners and eating them by candlelight.
But if romance is just not your jam, or perhaps you’re after something a little more x-rated, there are a few vegan-friendly gifts that might suit what you’re after. Here are five treats for people looking for a slightly alternative Valentine’s Day (or Galentine’s Day) celebration this year.
All the X-Rated Vegan Valentine’s Day Treats You Didn’t Know You Needed
1. An Eggplant Vibrator
Because self-love is the best love. Urban Outfitters now carries Emojibator’s eggplant emoji-shaped vibrators for “you” time. It has 10 speeds and is waterproof, so it can be used in and out of the bath or shower. PS – vegan lube is a thing.
2. A Chocolate Penis
Yes. You can send your lover a vegan chocolate penis if you like. Thanks to Dick at Your Door, this is now an option. The Valentine Dick even comes in a pink, pretty box, especially for the occasion. The poetic description on the brand’s website reads, “Roses are red, violets are blue. Don’t send stupid roses, that’s so 2002.”
Dick at Your Door is a particularly good one for those celebrating Galentine’s Day, if you want to give your friends a little giggle (you can add a message saying it’s you for reassurance).
3. Vagina Cupcakes
Maybe penises aren’t your thing. What about vaginas? You could also opt to send a pal or a lover some vegan vagina cupcakes, just like these from Vida Bakery.
The London bakery made them as a special one-off order – each baker took on a cupcake to ensure no two were the same, just like real vaginas – but there is nothing to stop you making your own to really wow your Valentine with your baking skills as well as your artistic abilities.
4. Boob Cupcakes
If you want to complete the set, while you’re making vagina cupcakes, you could also make some boob-themed cupcakes, using this recipe by The Everday Veggie. Why not take Valentine’s Day as the perfect excuse to celebrate the female anatomy? Have a big girly Galentine’s Day party with x-rated cupcakes and chocolate galore.
5. Vegan Chocolate Vulvas
New York-based vegan chocolatier Lagusta’s Luscious is famous for its Furious Vulva chocolates. This gift set comes with a mug and a box of 12 fair trade, vulva-shaped vegan chocolates that lets the fierce feminist in your life proudly proclaim their love of pussy.